Journaling – Does it work for you?

Much as I try to journal my thoughts or experiences, I just can’t seem to be consistent with it. The only time I was able to do it on a regular basis was when I was in counseling during a particularly difficult time in my life. My counselor/pastor used it as a way to get me to identify and verbalize my feelings and thoughts. I was so used to hiding and putting them away, that I had lost the ability to even think. Journaling enabled me to rediscover who I had shut away.

Currently, journaling for me seems to be tied to a form of self-therapy instead of what many people use it for, as a way to chronicle experiences and thoughts, which may still be tied somewhat to self therapy, but maybe not as much. I have a deep respect for those who make this a daily or regular practice. Much as I try to make it part of my writing life, it just always seems to get pushed aside for a story. I guess that is why I don’t do it except when I’m in duress.

As I reflect on various occurrences in my life or with my family, it would be fantastic to have something in writing, instead of trying to rely on my memories which are often faulty. Journaling would give a record of sorts to at least the special things that happen, such as the birth of my daughters or my grandson. Descriptions of people, emotions, the environment and more can lend special texture to the experience that fades over time like an old photograph.

So, if you are one of the amazing people who journal, know that I for one am deeply in awe of you. You create a special record of thoughts and events which are important. Maybe, not on the scale of Anne Frank, but who knows? Even she had no clue how important her journaling would be. The right events can lead to something special in writing. Regardless, keep up the good work. You are writing history, even if it is just your own.

I Did It!

“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first to be convinced of it.” – Alexandre Dumas

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t do something? Has someone ever told you that you weren’t good enough? Unfortunately, most of us have had this happen. However, a positive way to treat these experiences is to use them to your favor. Use them to inspire you to achieve what you or someone else thought you couldn’t do.

If you have read my blog before, you may have seen me talk about National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo, which takes place every November. Once again, I participated wondering if I had enough of a story to complete the 50K words required to “win”. I surpassed even my wildest expectations by attaining that goal by November 14th and actually completed the novel on the 21st. Now, let’s clarify, this is a first draft, which means it is full of flaws and problems which need editing. But, that’s what writing a first draft is for. It is the time you run pell mell down this unknown path and wonder where it is going to take you. If you just go for it, it is full of surprises and twists and turns you never expected. For me, writing the first draft like this makes it far more fun and exciting.

Before participating in NaNoWriMo, I used to write in a slow, formatted form, carefully weighing out each word so that by the end of the story, I would have very little editing to do. I discovered in writing this way, that I was inhibiting my stories. They were also short and unfulfilling because they never had the opportunity to spread their wings and fly.

By turning off my internal editor while writing the first draft, I discovered a whole new joy to writing. I find new words and phrases and unexpected adventures I had never allowed to happen before. It made writing freer and less stilted. My characters and plots develop and mature.

An example of this was at a point about three-fourths thru the novel when the story made a surprising turn where one of the main supporting characters died through injuries sustained in the previous battle scene. I had gotten to know my characters so well, that I was sobbing as hard as I was typing. Tears were just flowing down my cheeks. My husband was watching football in the chair next to me, just smiling and shaking his head and occasionally handing me a tissue.

It wasn’t all that long ago where I thought there was no possible way I would ever complete a novel, let alone write one in three weeks while working full time at another job. Yet, I have, and did so by putting one word down after another and before I knew it, I was done.

Don’t let self doubt or the doubts of others stop you from doing something you want to do, whether it be writing, playing music, climbing a mountain, or any number of wonderful endeavors. You only have this one life. Make it a good one and don’t let it pass you by without giving some of these opportunities a chance. Just go for it. What have you got to lose?

Using “I” Instead of “You” in Relationships

The making of a good relationship takes work. Relationships are just that – relating to one another through being in one another’s life, good times and not. Whether it is a friendship or a marriage, the people involved should be better because of it, not made to feel less.

Often, when there are problems, it’s usually because there is a breakdown in communication. Sometimes, along with the lack of communication, is an assumption that was made which is frequently based on not enough information or choosing to not see the information for what it is.

When confusion or conflict arises, instead of playing the blame game, which only succeeds in causing more hurt and widening the distance, try talking about what is really causing concern. However, instead of using the word “you”, use “I”, like “I am feeling…..” or “Help me understand…” By changing to using “I” wording, you switch the direction of the conversation to how you are feeling and how you are being affected. This change of focus keeps the other person from feeling so defensive and allows for more open and honest communication.

Start slow and be gentle. Allow for the conversation to develop, peeling away the layers of concern and you will often find that by handling it in this manner, that you and your partner will be able to clarify issues and see that more often than not, what was getting in the way was a feeling of insecurity or that someone jumped to an errant conclusion.

Get in the habit of immediately taking care of these feelings when they come, instead of letting them fester and grow to something that feels unmanageable. It’s never a pleasant task, but it does get easier the more often you do it. The key is staying open and if something is affecting the health of your relationship, then it needs to be addressed.

The key is taking the first step and talk.

What Nurtures Your Soul?

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. - Albert Einstein, physicist

I have written before about the incredible beauty of where my husband and I live. The surrounding mountains are like majestic arms, offering protection within their tree-covered embrace. The varied green textures of the trees, shrubs, ferns and other plants bring peace and healing to the deepest parts of my soul. I especially love the contrast between the deep green of the trees against the amazing blue of the sky when I look at the ridge line.

Living in the Pacific Northwest gives residents the opportunity to take advantage of varied vistas of tremendous beauty, all within a relatively short distance. Ocean or desert, mountain or valley, each is possible in easy day trips. We count ourselves fortunate, grateful, and blessed to live in the natural splendor that surrounds us.

What is it that makes you feel nurtured and refreshed? Life is short and we never know how long we have. Make time for the things that help you feel alive and energized.

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is another one of those special holidays that encourages us to show love to others, to let those closest to us know how important they are in our lives. Our ability to love and be loved is supported by those we have chosen to have a relationship with. The more people we allow into our lives, the more love we have to share. The more we give love, then the more we receive. Friendship and caring are like that.

My wish for you this special day is that you have the opportunity to give and receive lots of love and know the value of the love given you. Nurture the love in your life. It’s well worth the effort.

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day

What Nurtures Your Soul?

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. - Albert Einstein, physicist

I have written before about the incredible beauty of where my husband and I live. The surrounding mountains are like majestic arms, offering protection within their tree-covered embrace. The varied green textures of the trees, shrubs, ferns and other plants bring peace and healing to the deepest parts of my soul. I especially love the contrast between the deep green of the trees against the amazing blue of the sky when looking at the ridge line.

The view from our home is spectacular, and there is nothing so nurturing as allowing my eyes to feed on the natural splendor that surrounds us. Living in the Pacific Northwest gives residents the opportunity to take advantage of varied vistas of tremendous beauty, all within a relatively short distance. Ocean or desert, mountain or valley, each is possible in easy day trips. We count ourselves fortunate, grateful, and blessed to live in such beauty.

What is it that makes you feel nurtured and refreshed? Life is short and we never know how long we have. Make time for the things that help you feel alive and energized.

Happiness

It is amazing how many people think happiness is something they buy or will happen TO them. They fail to see how happiness is a state of being, a choice. In spite of life’s bumps, those who make a choice to be happy are able to handle these bumps with a better viewpoint and make choices based on building stability and happiness. That’s right, happiness is a CHOICE. It is an action, a decision to be happy.

Unless you live in a bubble, you will have ups and downs in life. Choosing to be happy enables you to enjoy life in spite of the downturns that come along. It is not a case of walking around in an oblivious state, but a decision that no matter what comes along, you take a deep breath and look for the good. Once you find it, leverage off of it to turn the rest into something positive.

Make a decision to choose happiness today. In spite of whatever you are facing, whatever you are feeling, look for the good. You will likely be surprised by how much good there is in your life.

The Honor Of Listening

We have all heard or read about the importance of listening. But, how many of us make a concerted effort to actually not just listen to the person talking to us, but actually HEAR what they are saying? We have to realize that our own personal points of view, history, and life lessons filter what is said before it reaches our understanding. Therefore, what the person says may not necessarily be what they mean.

When we stop and really listen, we also learn. It gives us the opportunity to understand perspectives. It gives us time to actually get a better picture of what our part may be or whether we even have a part. Sometimes our part is simply to allow the person an opportunity to talk.

Listening honors the person talking. It says to that person ‘you are important.’ One good way to make sure what you heard is really what they said is by paraphrasing it back them. Remember, it is not always necessary to give your point of view, offer advice, or solve the problem. Sometimes, it may be the best way to process through a problem in order to reach the solution themselves.

Who have you honored today?

Happy New Year!

It’s a new year, at least as far as the calendar goes. Many people use this as a good starting point for making a change in their lives. I, for one, am looking forward to a new year filled with blessings of love, good health, family, friends, and joy.

I am always looking to lose a few pounds, or a lot, and exercise more. However, this year, I plan on building my freelance writing career and get at least one of my novels ready for publication. One of the things I did that will help me achieve this goal is signing up for a Freelance Writing course through WOW that will help me build my platform, develop a writing resume, and how to best contact possible clients. There is much that I don’t know about the business, so therefore, I’m taking a class to give me the tools I need to succeed. The other thing that I am doing is continue to keep writing on the novel I am currently trying to complete. It’s about three-quarters done, I think… Once the first draft is done, I will set it aside and allow it to ‘rest’ a bit while I work on articles.

I’ve got my goals and I’ve developed a detailed plan to make it happen. It is highly rewarding when you can cross off each accomplishment of the plan. Remember, it’s the journey to attaining the goal, more than the goal itself.

Have a great journey and a great year!

Opportunities

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” – Milton Berle, comic

This last year has been a difficult one for almost everyone, at least on some level. Economically, professionally, personally, or a combination thereof, it has left few unscathed. I, too, am looking forward to a year with a little more light.

The start of a new year has always seemed a good time to embark on a new plan. Many people use it as the jumping point to quit doing something like smoking or eating unhealthy foods. But, this is also a really good time to open doors of opportunity, whether it be a new job, a new house, or whatever.

Now, don’t go scoffing at me quite so quickly. One of the best ways to look for opportunities is to sit quietly and make a list of what you have. Include even what you might consider “given” or obvious things, such us a roof over your head and food. Many people struggle for these important items. Even if all you can say is that you are alive, that is important. Everything can go “Up” from there. Really.

Next, look at what your obstacles may be. This may include things like pride, lack of organizational or time management skills, transportation or appropriate clothes.

For me, one of my goals this next year is to get my freelance writing on more stable ground. This will mean I will have to set aside certain time in the evenings and some weekend time to query magazines and websites for articles that I can submit. I would also like to have at least one of my novels in a finished state where I can start looking for an agent. These all require me to build doors of opportunity by identifying any hurdles and finding ways to leverage them in my favor.

Develop a detailed plan of how to reach your goal. Let people know what you are doing, as often they will help you and support you to achieve. As you complete a step or point, mark it off so you can see your forward progress. If you need to see more completions, break down each step into smaller ones, so that you can really get the positive rewards as you move towards your intended goal. Make your plan work for you. If it’s not working, find out what is the hang up and change it so it does. The most important thing is to believe in your goal and in yourself. You can do it. Just make your steps small enough so you can keep climbing.

Let me know how you are doing and we’ll walk together.

Autumn Preparations

The heavily falling leaves are now revealing the intricate structure of the trees they once covered. Cloud-filtered light finds less obstruction as it illuminates once-shaded ground. Gray smoke wafting from chimneys and burn-piles, add to the haziness of the day.

Cooler weather persuades most to slow down and ready themselves for the attributes of winter. Spring and summer endeavors readied homes and supplies for more adverse conditions, allowing for a more comfortable existence within cozy confines as colder temperatures drive occupants for cover.

Where activities were centered outside during warmer temps, they become focused inward to reflect thoughtful anticipation of festive occasions and quiet pursuits. Soothing smells of comfort foods waft lazily along and urge contemplative grazing.

The effects of winter will soon embrace the hibernating landscape, slowing movement to a veritable crawl. Wistful expectation of warmer weather and vigorous growth encourage all to prepare for the rites of spring, thus completing the cycle.

Difficult Times Offer Opportunities

Have you ever noticed how going through difficult times really shows who you are as a person? Do you go through hard times with bitterness and blame, or do you look to make it an opportunity to become a better person? No one likes to go through periods of great difficulty. It takes a huge toll on your body and emotions. Unfortunately, most of us encounter bumps in our lives that require us to show an element of bravery, strength, understanding, and an ability to look beyond the current situation to a time of healing and hope. Often these difficult moments in our lives cause us to refocus on our faith in God and on each other. We discover how grounded we are and whether we walk through the darkness with our heads up carrying the light or if we curl up in a fetal position and allow the darkness to overwhelm us.

Though I truly dislike going through difficulties, it does offer me an opportunity to grow and see what kind of person I really am. Do I handle it with optimism and look for a positive outcome, or do I react in anger and bitterness, wallowing in despair? Depending on the circumstances causing the difficult situation, varying degrees of “negative” emotions are normal and even healthy, as long as one passes through them to embrace more positive emotions and behaviors. Often, some level of forgiveness is necessary so that we can move on and put things behind us. Do not expect to feel necessarily better or enlightened by doing so, at least not right away. The act of forgiving someone, however, puts you in a position of aligning yourself into a positive direction. Then, forgiveness does become a reality and healing develops more rapidly. Maybe, the one you have to forgive is yourself. Doing so has the same effect as forgiving someone else.

Allow growth to happen. Find joy, even in the smallest things. Be optimistic that you will find your rainbow. It’s there. You just have to look up and see it there, with all its colors. Remember, hope is an attitude and a choice. Embrace it and it will be a reality in your life. Turn your back on it and you will remain in darkness and despair. Life is a choice.

Give A Little

Do something for somebody every day for which you don't get paid. - Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, musicologist, doctor

Have you noticed when someone does something nice or gives that extra attention to detail that wasn’t asked for, how big of an impact it has on how you feel? I went to lunch with my friends, today, and the waitress was very nice, making sure we had what we needed and kept a watchful eye from a distance to be sure all her customers were well cared for. She knew we were on our lunch break, and so when she saw we were finishing our meal, she had our checks ready and we didn’t have to stand around waiting for her. It was awesome and we were able to return to work at the right time. It’s like when someone holds the door open for you, or your husband washes your car without saying anything. It’s special. I really appreciate people who give me that consideration. In turn, isn’t it nice when we try to give that same consideration and appreciation to others? Even small opportunities to help others make a difference.

The Act of Kindness

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop, Greek author of fables

I don’t know about you, but when people are kind to me, I can’t help but feel better and more alive. Even if it’s just something little like a smile, can be huge if I’ve had a bad day. It’s like opening the door for someone when their arms are full or letting someone cut in front of you in the grocery line because they clearly are in a hurry or they have only a couple of items to your 20. When we are kind to people we come in contact with, the cycle begins to spread. Traffic is the worst. I have to remind myself that it’s okay to let someone in when the traffic is stringing dozens of cars back. Being kind spreads the rewards. We don’t know if that person we just smiled at or lent a helping hand to wasn’t having the worst day of their life, and our act of kindness, though small, changed the direction of their day. I intend to increase the kindnesses I can do for others on a daily basis. How about you?

Stop procrastinating

You can't escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today. - Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President

Our home office has become a catch-all for everything that doesn’t have a ready home or we need to file. Receipts, gift bags, bills, our grandson’s toys, extra gifts, and books are all over the place. It’s also where my jewelry-making supplies are located. What a mess. I keep telling myself I have got to get in there and get it straightened out. But, there are always other things that need to be done. Like write. Right?

Well, no. Every time I look into that room or have to go in, I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the disaster awaiting me. However, I need to take my own advice and make the job smaller, therefore more manageable. My oldest daughter stopped by to pick up a couple of things and wanted a couple of music CD’s to take with her on their day trip. I had to burn a copy of one, so while I was waiting, I started organizing. I’m a long ways from being done, but I accomplished a lot just in the short time I was in there.

I notice when I procrastinate on things like that, it infiltrates my subconscious and conscious mind which takes away from my focus, especially when I’m writing. It’s like when the floor needs vacuumed and you can see it staring at you while you look at the screen. Frustrating, to say the least. Often, these annoyances can actually be taken care of in just a few minutes. Once it’s done, I don’t think about it anymore. Of course, there are some things that can and sometimes should wait for a more opportune moment, but if it’s interfering in something more important, stop procrastinating and “Git ‘er done!”

Memorial Day

Most of us have had someone close to us pass away. Depending on the relationship is our reaction to that loss. Memorial Day is that special, designated day to remember those people who have impacted out lives, especially in a positive way.

For me, it was my Grandma Grant. She battled cancer the majority of her life, but despite the toll that awful disease took on her, she was a loving, Christian woman who cared deeply for those in her life. She was one of those women who made you feel special and glad to be in her presence. She was encouraging, guiding, and loving. Generous of heart and hands, she gave while rarely complaining. Was she a saint? No, probably not. Have I put her on a pedestal? Maybe. But, for me, she was that quintessential person I looked up to and try to emulate every day. It’s my hearts desire when I leave this earth, that I will be remembered for the same love, joy, and encouragement I gave to others.

What special memories do you have of people who have touched your life?

Make Life Meaningful

I was talking with my mother, yesterday morning, and she was saying how incredibly busy they are. I mentioned in an earlier post that she plays music. She is a member of numerous groups and loves every minute of it. Her husband loves to listen to her play and sing, too. They live in a wonderful little community where their group of friends go to concerts, go out to dinner, have parties, play music, shop, and just generally have a good time. She loves living there and is truly make the most of her life.

There is this great cartoon that keeps circulating through my email which essentially states that we should spend less time trying to leave this earth in a perfect body having not experienced much, but go sliding in sideways, having lived life to its fullest and given it everything you’ve got. We are only given this one life. Make it meaningful and fun. Live, love, and laugh often. Even dark days brighten in the presence of love and laughter.

Facebook

Oh my gosh. I now have a Facebook page. That was not even on my personal radar. Of course, a couple of months ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that I would have a blog, either. Wow. What a trip. The Facebook page came at a request from a college friend of mine who asked me to join so we could share photos and such. Why not?

The other reason I went ahead and joined was due to comments from many people in my writing group who have them to promote their work. Facebook has been a nice tool to showcase new articles, stories, or books they have written. Many of them have had success using these pages. Again, why not?

I guess I can’t help but be amazed at what or who comes my way. What’s better than opening our arms to opportunities and enjoy the ride. I have been blessed by those who have come into my life, and I hope I am a blessing in return. Better to spread kindness than negativity and dissension.

The day is beautiful, a light breeze is blowing, and I’m writing. What could be better than that? Have a fantastic day.

Making Fear An Opportunity For Change

How we face adversity says a lot about who we are, both as individuals and then as a whole. Have you noticed how some people really rise to the occasion when something serious happens? It can be as devastating as a catastrophe or a short-term challenge. Some people look at these moments as opportunities instead of negativities. They face the fear and turn it around and make it work for them.

Some fears can have a debilitating effect on some people. My oldest daughter has battled a panic disorder for many years. I am impressed by how she deals with it. Sometimes, it does get the better of her, but usually, she’s the one on top. She has made adjustments to make her life as normal as possible, such as shopping at non-peak times and taking her medications. She takes each day and works to make it her own. It’s not easy and her battles can sometimes be moment by moment, but she battles, nevertheless. She faces her adversity and refuses to let it beat her.

We all know people who look adversity in the eye and stare it down. Moments of weakness are inevitable, but setting your resolve to make it positive, gives you the energy, momentum, and creativity to breathe new life into it and turn it from fear to advantage. We all have things we want to turn into an advantage. Identifying is the first step. Second step is to imagine it changed into something good. Third, develop and action plan. What might it take to achieve it? Four, take each line item and break it down further, until it’s something that can be handles one small thing at a time.

It’s like learning to read. You learn the alphabet first, then come the sounds, and soon the letters are connected into words and words into sentences. Wow, what was so hard became so wonderful.

Don’t be afraid of trying or failing. Don’t be afraid of what others may think. Success at anything means taking chances, overcoming those fears and seeing them as opportunities and advantages.

Time For Time

I read an article the other day that started out talking about how quickly time is passing by. If we think that our hours or days or years are running away from us, they probably are. However, the article went on to say that if you are experiencing this, you are probably not very organized with your time. Now, that may be the case for some people, but I and my co-workers agree that it is not a case of organizational skills that is needed, but time. As the economy continues in the current state, and jobs are either being eliminated or cut back, those of us left behind are forced to pick up the work not being done. The article stated that if one is too busy, then they should delegate the work to someone else, but that is impossible when there is no one to pass the work on to.

I think many of us would agree that our lives have more options than we know what to do with. Though some things could be time saving, many are not. Or, something I have noticed recently, if I string enough “time-saving” things together, I theoretically get more done. Reality shows, however, that I may be able to do more, but I lose quality. Take fast food, for instance. Fast food tastes okay, but lacks quality and nutritional value. We do that sometimes with the work we do. We have so many deadlines and things that must get done, many things lose the quality that is necessary.

Maybe, to a small degree, the article was correct regarding some of our time management. But, instead of delegating, maybe we need to step back and reevaluate our work or lives and prioritize those things that require time and quality and those that do not. Possibly, that’s where our organizational skills can come into play. Granted, that too requires time, but possibly could be beneficial to our feeling of accomplishment and well-being. Let me know how it goes.