The making of a good relationship takes work. Relationships are just that – relating to one another through being in one another’s life, good times and not. Whether it is a friendship or a marriage, the people involved should be better because of it, not made to feel less.
Often, when there are problems, it’s usually because there is a breakdown in communication. Sometimes, along with the lack of communication, is an assumption that was made which is frequently based on not enough information or choosing to not see the information for what it is.
When confusion or conflict arises, instead of playing the blame game, which only succeeds in causing more hurt and widening the distance, try talking about what is really causing concern. However, instead of using the word “you”, use “I”, like “I am feeling…..” or “Help me understand…” By changing to using “I” wording, you switch the direction of the conversation to how you are feeling and how you are being affected. This change of focus keeps the other person from feeling so defensive and allows for more open and honest communication.
Start slow and be gentle. Allow for the conversation to develop, peeling away the layers of concern and you will often find that by handling it in this manner, that you and your partner will be able to clarify issues and see that more often than not, what was getting in the way was a feeling of insecurity or that someone jumped to an errant conclusion.
Get in the habit of immediately taking care of these feelings when they come, instead of letting them fester and grow to something that feels unmanageable. It’s never a pleasant task, but it does get easier the more often you do it. The key is staying open and if something is affecting the health of your relationship, then it needs to be addressed.
The key is taking the first step and talk.
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