Train

I went through a very difficult first marriage. Though my daughters came from this, who I love more than they sometimes know, the marriage was disastrous and abusive. I actually had a drawing I had clipped from a magazine of a tunnel with a light at the end of it. The caption read, “Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel IS an oncoming train!” At the time, that was how I really felt about my life.

Despite my faith, I was miserable and felt trapped. I came down with pneumonia during that period and nearly died, but my daughter’s futures caused me to fight for my life. I knew if they were to have any semblance of genuine hope, themselves, I had to survive and get us out of there. I did, and we did. It was not easy, but God is amazing and led me step by step, opening doors of opportunity and understanding along the way. I worked a minimum wage job, so I applied for food stamps and HUD. A small modular home opened up to rent and we moved.

Abuse in any form, is intolerable. It’s easy to see when you aren’t used to it. But, when it comes at you, slowly, insidiously, imperceptibly, you suddenly find yourself trapped in a dark hole, unable to see your way out. It’s frightening beyond belief, and you lose all sense of hope. Your strength is gone, and people don’t understand. They just think you are weak, stupid, or just want to stay there.

You are not weak, not the way they think. You are weakened in your confidence, because this other person has viciously and selfishly stolen it from you. You need something bigger than all of it to lead you out of the situation, where you are not relying on your confidence to be the driving force.

I would urge you to not listen to the lies the world or religion would say that you must stay in situations like this. I listened to that for too many years, until I realized that if I didn’t get out of there when I did, I would likely only leave in a body bag. That is a harsh thing to say, but was the reality of my life, at the time. No one deserves to live with domestic violence. There are agencies designed to help. Please take advantage of them until you can get on your feet. I am a survivor. You can be one, too.

The light at the end of the tunnel does NOT have to be an oncoming train! Follow that light to life and freedom from abuse. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not feared.